Monday, January 28, 2008

Shattered Dreams

Even though all the signs were pointing to the breakdown of our adoption plans with Misty, we were still hoping and praying that the Lord would work a miracle, against all odds. A friend of ours shared a verse that really encouraged us.....

"They shall not labour in vain, nor bring forth for trouble; for they are the seed of the blessed of the LORD, and their offspring with them." Isaiah 65:23


We were sure this was a promise given specifically to us, and that the Lord would intervene so the adoption could go through as planned. Unfortunately, two weeks before the baby's due date, we received more devastating news from the facilitator. She agreed to help Misty find another family if we refused to give her the money she wanted. In our minds, Misty was selling her baby to the highest bidder, which was morally & ethically reprehensible to us. We knew the Lord couldn't bless the adoption if we went against His Word, so with heavy hearts, we refused to meet Misty's demands. The facilitator emailed us the very next day to let us know another family had stepped up to adopt Misty's baby and give her the requested money "under the table".

Oh, our hearts were devastated beyond belief! What had we done wrong? How could God allow this to happen? How could this new family just swoop in at the last minute and "steal" our precious baby? Why had He promised that we would not labor in vain, when it was painfully evident that we HAD labored in vain, not just once, but now a second time?

For weeks afterward we walked around in a fog of grief and sorrow. Little Jaeci, whom we'd never met but already loved like she was our own, wasn't coming home after all, and her crib became a silent and empty reminder of all we had lost. We listened to Fernando Ortega's "If You Were Mine" again and again and again as we tried to make sense of this unthinkable turn of events.

Truthfully, we had decided to totally abandon our adoption dreams, because the failures were just too heartbreaking. But thankfully the Lord wouldn't let us give up. We didn't feel feel His peace until we once again committed ourselves to follow Him wherever He might lead. At that point it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that since we had already paid for our homestudy, we should continue searching for a child to adopt until it expired at the end of the year. If the Lord didn't bring another child into our family by then, we would see this as His answer and move on.

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