Long day, good results

I didn't get to bed until nearly 2 am yesterday morning, and then we had to get up at 5:30 to take Jaden in for his ear tube surgery and ABR hearing test. Jaden didn't get out of surgery for over two hours...just as I was starting to get worried, the nurse came out and told us he was doing fine, but the hearing test was taking a lot longer than they anticipated. When Jaden finally got back to recovery he was very combative and screamed for 30-45 minutes, but then Janae started being goofy with his two stuffed animals, and he finally calmed down and started giggling a little bit. The doc said he still needed to go over the test results, but the preliminary numbers showed that Jaden only has a mild hearing loss, so he's not almost deaf like the first doc predicted, which is a huge answer to prayer!

I didn't think to take my camera with us to Jaden's surgery yesterday, but when he was being sooo funny before they came to get him, I had Janae snap a few pictures of him with my cell phone.

Jaden refused to put on his hospital gown until Janae asked if he wanted to put on his new "man dress", then he got all excited and put it on. LOL He kept twirling around and around, watching his "man dress" billow out behind him, like a dog chasing his tail....what a hoot!

Then the nurse brought in a tank of oxygen with an attached albuterol breathing aparatus, and said he needed to have a treatment before surgery, since he has asthma. He screamed and screamed when I tried to give him the treatment while sitting on my lap, so they said to just forget it. But after the nurse left, Jaden picked up the mask and gave himself the treatment, and even shared with his little frog. We tried to get a shot of him twirling around, but he was movin' tooo fast. lol

After we left the surgery center we went to the mall to get Janae a new dress for her trip to New Orleans next week (she's going to a youth covention in Alabama called "The Call"). I also decided to give myself a little "sumthin-sumthin" (a phrase coined by our children's pastor)...I got my hair cut, colored & styled. I think I might have fallen asleep in the chair for a few minutes while the stylist was putting in the foils, and if so, I hope I didn't snore! LOL But it felt SOOOO good to just sit and not have something that needed doing, after the chaotic week we've had around here.

We have seen some improvement in my Mom's overall condition over the last day or two. She's still weak, but she's starting to eat more, and has been talking up a storm to anyone who stops by for a visit. She was getting such horrendously inadequate care at the nursing home that when hospice called us yesterday afternoon to let us know they had an open bed, we jumped on it immediately and had her transferred by 7 pm. My brother from 2.5 hours away even came to help, which was very appreciated.

So....now that my Mom is comfortably settled, and hopefully will be receiving adequate care, I'm hoping my life will slow down just a little so we can get some schoolwork and housework done.

Yeah riiiiight, who am I kidding? LOL

The prodigal has been found....

A very good friend of mine from California (Carol) found my sister Michelle yesterday. Michelle's ex-husband Danny knew where she was all the time, but she instructed him to not give anyone in the family her contact information, if we happened to call. When Carol called Danny, he gave her Michelle's location, then Carol called and talked to Michelle for over an hour.

Carol has always had a soft spot in her heart for Michelle, and she told Michelle that any time she needs to talk, to feel free to call her. Michelle said she doesn't know if she's going to come see Mom or not...she doesn't want to, but Danny & Carol both encouraged her to come make her peace with Mom before it's too late.

Both of my brothers get very emotional when talking about Michelle, and they have instructed both the nursing home and hospice house to refuse to give Michelle admittance to Mom's room. In my opinion, that decision should be up to Mom, and since she wants to see Michelle, I think we should stay out of it. Granted, I don't think Michelle should be alone with Mom due to her tendency to get angry and scream (and possibly violent) with no provocation, but to deny them the right to see each other one last time seems a bit high-handed.

I've thought about calling Michelle many times over the last few years, but I never did, and the longer I waited to contact her, the more distance it put between us. The only contact info we had for her was her ex's cell phone, and the one time I did call (on Michelle's birthday a few months after she disappeared), he wouldn't let me talk to her. Now the chasm in our relationship seems to be unbreachable.

So, when Mom got sick and I tried to find Michelle, I started wondering, what part did I play in this whole messed-up scenario? Did I love Michelle with the love of the Lord, the "I Corinthians 13--love never fails" kind of love, or did I abandon her in her hour of need because she was "too needy"? On the other hand, when I tried to keep the lines of communication open Michelle wasn't always receptive. I can't think of anything I did that might have offended Michelle right before she disappeared again. And when she stopped responding to my efforts, I gave up....maybe too easily because I didn't care enough to be bothered?

I guess I just need to ask the Lord to search my heart and illumine any sinful thoughts and attitudes I've held against her, and ask Him to give us an opportunity to reconcile our differences in His timing (which I realize might not be right now). It isn't His will for us to live with this animosity between us, so what exactly is my responsibility? I can't go chasing after her if she doesn't want to be found, but is there something else I *can* do? (And these are just thinking outloud, rhetorical questions I'm throwing out here....I'm not expecting anyone to provide the answers....)

Yesterday was a better day for Mom than Sunday, with 40 family members in and out of her room all day. Even though she thorougly enjoyed seeing everyone, it was very exhausting for her. The only glitch we had yesterday was when we were forced to file a formal grievance with the nursing home administrator because the CNA in charge of Mom's care Sunday evening refused to change her colostomy bag before she went off shift, so Mom's bag exploded in the middle of the night. So far I haven't been terribly impressed by the care she's received at the nursing home, so hopefully we can move Mom to the hospice house soon.

Patrice, whose middle name should be "fixer-upper" because of her pathological need to make things perfect

Trying times

Well, we got very bad news this evening. Mom's doc came into her room while none of us were there and told her she was terminal, and probably only has a month or two to live. (Although, if I had to guess, I'd say that was a very optimistic estimate....from the looks of it, she could pass away any day.) Her colonoscopy this afternoon showed that her colon is totally shot and isn't repairable. Her intestines are like mush, so there's nothing they can do.

After the doc left and my brother came back from wherever he had been, one of the nurses came in and put a red sticker on Mom's arm band. When Ron asked the nurse what it was, she told him it meant Mom was DNR. He didn't know what that meant, so she had to tell him it meant Do Not Resuscitate. It was right at that moment that I called Mom's room to see if they had an update, and when Ron answered, I knew something was wrong because he sounded really weird, then he said he'd have to call me back in a few minutes and hung up. So I dashed around getting the kids something to eat, then Paul and I rushed to the hospital.

I am sooooo angry with the doc, he had no business telling Mom she was terminal when none of us were there to help support her. And to have the nurse put a red sticker on her arm band and then proceed to tell Mom it meant she was DNR was OVER THE TOP insensitive & crass! All evening Mom kept saying she wanted Ron to sit up with her all night so she wouldn't die.

Anyway, my oldest brother is planning on meeting us at the hospital tomorrow morning (he lives 2 hrs away) so we all can talk to Mom's doc together and get some straight answers. We also plan on raising cain on how insensitive he was when he delivered the bad news. Mom said he mentioned something about hospice care, but she wasn't able to give us any other information. So we'll have lots of questions for him tomorrow.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...I also have to try to track down my sister, who has been AWOL for almost three years. I called her ex-husband's cell phone yesterday to see if she was still living with him, and he said they had recently separated....they were only divorced "on paper", so she could qualify for disability...she has been diagnosed bi-polar, and has attempted suicide & been hospitalized in mental institutions so many times I've lost count.

Her ex, Danny, who is Israeli and speaks with a heavy accent, told me she was living in Wichita in a homeless shelter. He doesn't know the name of the shelter, and he can't call her, but she calls him every few days, so he'll pass on the info about our mom's health the next time she calls. This whole mess with Michelle will be sooo stressful on all of us....she didn't show up at our Dad's funeral 12 years ago because she was mad at me. It was another 3 or 4 years before we finally tracked her down and "made up". I'm not sure how to track her down this time, but I guess I'll call the Red Cross first and see if they can help us locate her, and if not, then we may be out of luck.

Please pray for our family. The next few days & weeks are going to be very tough and emotionally exhausting....we need to just take it one day at a time and realize that the Lord is still in control....He numbered Mom's days before she was ever born, and this hasn't caught Him by surprise.

Daddy's little boy

These pictures speak for themselves...

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!

The Lord answered your/my prayers for my mother in a mighty way! I was able to be with my mom & brother during her dr appt this morning, and when the doc told Mom he wanted to hospitalize her for a few days, then transfer her to the hospital's nursing home swing bed unit, neither she nor my brother objected. This was a HUGE miracle! In the past, if one of us ever dared to mention the words "nursing home" in the same sentence as "mom", Ron would blow up and say, "Over my dead body!" So for him to actually agree to this plan can only be an answer to prayer. I think it helped immensely that the doc was sensitive to not give Ron the impression that he wasn't doing a good job taking care of her, it was just that Mom needs more specialized care than what he would be able to provide at home.

Mom told the doc that she had always been very resistant to the idea of a nursing home, but she would do whatever he thought was best so she could get better. So, before she had time to change her mind (LOL), we got her admitted and tucked in her bed. They will be running lots of tests, then in a few days, they'll send her to the nursing home. The doc mentioned that it could take weeks or possibly even several months before she'll be strong enough to go back home, but Mom didn't bat an eye. (I realize she's so weak she doesn't have any fight in her right now, and when she starts feeling better that will probably change, but at least today went off without a huge scene.)

Thank you Lord!

Parenting your parents

One of the many things I hate about getting older is that not only am I still parenting my children, all of a sudden I am now having to parent my parent. I realize it comes with the territory, but I don't have to LIKE it! LOL

My 79 yr old mother was hospitalized about 4 weeks ago because she was severely dehydrated and had a massive infection in her intestines. (She has worn a colostomy bag for 7 years.) She was released 3 weeks ago today, but she is still very, very weak, and my brother Ron, who lives with her, isn't making her take care of herself the way she should.

She is not a very good patient (and trust me, that's putting it mildly LOL), so he gets frustrated with her and just gives up. I really do appreciate him living with her, because otherwise I don't know what we'd do. But unfortunately, he's in denial about how sick she is, and I'm worried that she's not going to get better.

My aunt & uncle have called several times over the last few days to let me know they're concerned, but every time I call Ron he says Mom is "just fine" and getting much better. (Which is exactly what he told me in the weeks before our dad passed away from colon cancer...denial, denial, denial, up to and including the last hour of Dad's life.)

I had a dream early this morning that Mom passed away....on the one hand I hope my dream wasn't prophetic, but on the other hand, maybe the Lord is trying to prepare me for what's ahead (I have had several prophetic dreams in the past). I just don't know what to do. They are both soooo resistant to other people's input/suggestions, but I just can't sit back and let her die.

Jaden has a pre-op appt. at the drs office tomorrow morning, so I'm going to ask them when Mom's appt is and be there (if they'll tell me, stupid privacy laws....grrrrrr!). If the office won't give me the appt time info, I'm at least going to tell the PA during Jaden's appt. exactly what's been going on with mom so she can make an informed decision about what to do for her. I'm sure that Ron & mom will sugar-coat what they tell the PA and not be honest about her condition. My aunt & uncle both told me they think Mom should probably be readmitted to the hospital, or at the very least, admitted to the "swing-bed" unit until she regains her strength.

Anyway, if anyone is reading this, please pray that my mom & brother will be receptive to my help/input, and that her doc will figure out why she's still so sick.

A little bragging.....

Yesterday I was playing peek-a-boo & pat-a-cake with Luke while I was holding him on my lap. I didn't think he would actually respond because I thought he wasn't ready developmentally. But he surprised us all when he brought his little hands together and started clapping all on his own! WHOOOOHOOOOOO! He had such a big grin on his sweet little face, like he was saying, "Look, Mommy, I can do it!" And he hasn't forgotten how to do it since yesterday either....he's been keeping us all amused playing pat-a-cake over and over again this morning.